Day Two at home with the Cure

Home friday night; and I refuse to divulge how I managed to give him the 11:30 pm subcu injection. Suffice it to say, I made it happen.

Saturday went....o----kay? At 09:30 am I awoke in a panic, realizing that he had reneged on his promise to take the 4 am watch. Holy crap was I pissed. I scrambled to get his blood sugar, a high protein breakfast and his 08:00 injection. I now have blisters on the inside of my lip from biting it. I have a long fuse, but it gets real short when someone is jerking it. Finally I looked at him and softly said,

"So this is how it's gonna roll? I'm gonna wait on you hand and foot all weekend and work and worry all week?" I left the room before he had to come up with a half-assed answer that would have only poured gasoline on the burning coals. Color me stupid but I trusted him to get the point.

He did his best the rest of the day despite that he's still recovering from sleep deprivation. I would love to nurse him every minute but that's not going to get him where he needs to be so that I can go back to work on Monday. Seriously, dude, if you can find a call light attached to your bed, you go right ahead and try it. Let me know how that works for you.

Oh my gawd, I sound like a Bitch.

At 6:30 pm I fall asleep on the couch after working all day cleaning, cooking, prepping to be gone Monday through Friday. At four am this morning I wake to the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I can barely form words. "Are you okay?" (if I had a quarter for every time I've asked him that) Yeah, he's just getting his 4 am snack. Stupid me, I have to ask what his blood sugar is....

41

I felt a sudden stabbing sensation in my brain. Three brain cells fired and screamed at me to GET UP, YOU ASSHOLE, AND FIX THIS!!!! The voices in my head out-number three panicked brain cells. I turned over, as well as one can on a couch, and went back to sleep.

I woke up at 08:30 this morning and ran upstairs to ask "are you okay?" He wakens easily and says yes. I want to go back to sleep, but maybe twelve plus hours is enough, and then I realize we're late for morning meds, blood sugars and a HIGH protein breakfast. I kick it into gear and in twenty minutes I've got Irish oatmeal, whole grain toast and 10 oz of milk on a tray with his subcu injection. First his blood sugar, which is 157. Fuck me very much.

All it takes is one low blood sugar to totally shake the foundation of my ease. At this point, it is not possible to stop my brain from running the gamut of every possible parallel universe I might enter. I have to remain calm and make this okay. I have to be ready to call 911 and warn the ER not to touch him when we get there. Worse... when I explain why we're back, someone is going to ask.... "has he been taking his medications correctly?"

Within 27 seconds of my hearing THAT question, one of two things will happen.

1) I will scream "the medications you gave us without THE gawd=damned syringes required to inject it?????? someone will then be calling Security with a very shrill tone of panic in their voice,

OR

2) I will kiss my husband, smile and nod to everyone in the room and leave without a word. I will wander out into the night, weaving past the hive of ambulances around the ER entrance until I reach the sidewalk. I will walk off into the dark cold night, camera still for shot of me walking away, go to black, The End.

Planning is good. It doesn't have to be a GOOD plan. Sometimes you just need a plan.