I received a card in the mail, which happens, but rarely enough that it gets my full attention. I studied the return address and determined I had no idea who had sent the card. So I opened it.
The front was perfectly Cricut ™ cut with the letters OMG. I opened it and “oh my god”, I'm invited to a baby shower. This is why I don't like to open my mail. To my moderate relief, I did not recognize any of the names on the invitation. Damn my curiosity, I had to pursue the mystery by asking Rich. It took us a few minutes but eventually we figured out that the shower is being held for his great niece. I'm thinking whatever. Then I see that Rich is visibly wounded.
Without belaboring the dynamics of his family tree, suffice it to say that he was supremely active in the upbringing of his sisters' children. In many ways he has done more for them over the years than I have done for my sons. With the glaring exception of Eddie and Jimmy, he has never received so much as a card or phone call from any of them. I could tell he was wounded because he handed the card back to me and said “do what you want.” I don't even know how to explain the shock wave of his reaction.
His reaction was so shocking to me that I went numb for about three hours. Gradually it seeped into my consciousness.
O.M.G. We have meant nothing to you people for the past 2-1/2 years of our struggle, but now that it's time for cash and prizes you can spare the postage?!?!?! Allow me to 'splain this for you, Lucy..... You were busy with your life and we get that. We never expected any time or attention or thoughts from you. I'm not grossly offended by the absence of your concern, I'm GROSSLY OFFENDED by the fact that you now want something from us in the way of a gift, maybe two-three hours of my time visiting a room in hell, AND the invitation requests that I also bring a package of diapers so I can be entered into a drawing for a special gift.
Breathe......breathe....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!
The invitation says “regrets only”. I have no regrets, but I sure as hell have a response.
I'm using their invitation so they will open the envelope and see O.M.G. Inside will be a lovely sheet of paper that perfectly fits the card, and they will find in my best calligraphy the following message:
“Your Uncle Rich is doing well, thanks for asking. I can't tell you how much the cards and phone calls have meant to him. Sending you best wishes for your special day, Sincerely........”
I have slept on this for two days now as I thoroughly enjoy sewing the baby gifts I'm planning to gift to the people in our lives that have loved, nourished and supported us on our journey. I keep asking myself if I'm being too harsh. I was not surprised by their amazing act of thoughtless greed, and would not have given it a second thought except that I saw how deeply Rich was hurt. You can jab me all day long and I will laugh in your general direction. Do NOT, however, jab at anyone I love.
So here's your sign.... If you are too busy, removed, frightened or generally disinterested to send Rich a card or call. It's OKAY!! Just don't expect us to pony up a gift for your special occasion. Fair enough?
I did a census because I'm so loathe to offend. Comic is shaking his head and staring at the ceiling; Radar has moved on to other monitors, Sniffles is chewing on the edge of her blankie, Buddha is smiling; and Scrapper is trying to chew through the bars of his cage. I think we're good. I even asked Rich again, because he is SO hyper-defensive of his family and my bottom line is what's best for him. He hesitated over the huge lump in his throat and finally said....”Whatever you want.” That was a response that made me consider a visit to the ER because clearly he was suffering an altered mental status. I told him of my planned response, just to be sure. He looked me square in the eyes and said, “that sounds about right.”
Seriously. I was ready to let this go and send a gift card. Yee-HAH!!!! For the first time in our marriage, I don't have to swallow. I get to spew. I'm getting out the paper, the ink and polishing my pen nibs. I shall enjoy this endeavor on a level that borders on sinful. But this is not for me. This is for Rich. This is for anyone who has ever been obligated by shit-stupid custom to graciously gift someone who has belittled, slighted or demeaned them. This is for everyone who has ever been held hostage by emotional extortion.
Okay.
This IS for ME. And O.M.G. Given where I've been for the last two years, this could be orgasmic.
OH F*** YEAH! Thank you! Go for it!!!
ReplyDeleteWow you obviously have some issues of your own to deal with, a simple no would have sufficed but thanks for enlightening us on your true feelings. My wife and I were simply trying to include everyone that is why there is a place for regrets for those who do not wish to come. We need nothing from you it is a party to celebrate a new life but thank you for your wishes to us on beginning a new life as a family.
ReplyDeleteLisa what gives you the right to do this to my daughter who has done nothing you I have a few questions for you where were you 8 years ago when I was in the hospital for 2 weeks recovering from open heart surgury or the 4 months rcovering at home where were the cards and the visits. when this happened two years ago we were told by your broter in law and sister law that he was not taking any visitors.I know you have issues with the rest of the family but if you had a problem with me take it out on me not my kid and if you would have come around at the holiday's you would got to know my kids instead Uncle Richie had to make excuses for you. If you think this is the right format to air dirty laundry I guess you are the bigger ass today than you were when you told the whole family to kiss your ass when you walked out over a picture.
ReplyDeleteHow dare you attack a 23yr old pregnant girl like that. What has she ever done to you? Nothing but love you guys. You have no problem spewing your venom on your blog but did you ever think to pick up the phone and call Ray? If you had you would have found out they were told Uncle Richie didn't want any visitors. They were just abiding by his wishes and you attack them for that? Who the hell do you think you are? While I sympathize with what you are going through, that gives you no right to attack an innocent person like this. You should have gotten your facts straight before you posted this garbage. I'm glad you're not coming to the shower because my niece doesn't need people like you around her at what should be the happiest time in her life.
ReplyDeleteW.O.W. Are you serious?!
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly up on your crafting techniques, but you need a lesson or two in etiquette! Regrets only, is the proper way to inform someone you will not be attending their event. A simply phone call or E-mail would have been sufficient, but no instead you decide to bash a young pregnant girl. I thought as people got older they matured and learned a sense of grace but not you. A baby shower is to celebrate a new life with family and friends. In everyday life people get busy and some lose touch, but they come together in times of happiness to love and support each other. We did not invite you for the mirror fact that you may or may not have brought a gift, but only to share in the joy of this milestone in your niece’s life.
I read one of your other blogs on grandchildren. It is necessary that you hold, cuddle, caress and kiss a child. This gives them a feeling that they are loved and cared for. Please don’t be around my niece because I don’t want her to end of as fucked up in the head as you! Evidently you must not have been shown affection as a child and this must be the reason for your bitterness. The fact that you did a census with your animals only proves that the only form of life you can check with can’t speak to you!
The postal service and phone do work both ways! You could have reached out in years past which would have been the mature thing to do being that you are supposed to be the older and wiser adult, but instead you would rather air the family’s dirty laundry on your blog. What does that say about you? You don’t care about anyone but yourself!
You are a sad excuse for a human being! Thank goodness your niece has real family and friends in her life who support her. No one needs a bitter old hag to be part of their happiness!
I’m so sorry you could not make it but as least we won’t have to waste another postage stamp for your thank you note!
April
In response to the comments about this blog….if the shoe fits, wear it!
ReplyDeleteI had the good fortune and pleasure of meeting Lisa and Rich in October of 2009. This was about 7 months after Rich’s diagnosis. I have rarely (if ever) met two more beautiful people in my life. They graciously and kindly welcomed me into their home at the request of someone close to them. As they got to know me, their welcome extended to their lives and family, for which I feel greatly honored.
There is the family you are born to and the family you choose. To me, if you only interact with someone at major life events, (weddings, funerals, baby and wedding showers, etc.) that is NOT family. While the world has gotten smaller our communities have gotten far too big to traverse. I understand the day to day struggle to get by, and getting caught up in it. I understand the world isn’t the same as it was 30 years ago when we went to visit grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins every Sunday afternoon. I wish it was. I miss it. I also understand that we have far more options to communicate now than we did 30 years ago. While Rich may have not wanted visitors during recuperation periods it wasn’t hard to keep in touch via voice mail and texting. It wasn’t hard to let him know unobtrusively that I was thinking about him and just wanted to say hi. That when he was ready for visitors to just let me know when and I’d be there. To me, THAT’S family. To those of you who were “respecting Uncle Richie’s wishes” I say BS! Kudos to Eddie and Jimmy! And all the others who have loved and supported both Lisa and Rich through this journey.
It is glaringly obvious that the commentators don’t have a clue about this blog. I have followed it from the beginning and treasure each new post. If April had really read the post about being a grandmother she should have gotten the fact that the grandbabies don’t need LISA to hover over them and smother them. Of course they need to be loved, held, cuddled: by their PARENTS. I believe Lisa will be a fantastic grandmother. When the babies are ready she will be there for them. And please introduce me to the animals Lisa did a census with; I’m not familiar with them. Maybe you commentators should get YOUR facts straight.
let me start this comment off like this with a definition :
ReplyDeletethought·less –adjective
1.lacking in consideration for others; inconsiderate; tactless: a thoughtless remark.
2.characterized by or showing lack of thought: a shallow, thoughtless book.
3.not thinking enough; careless or heedless: thoughtless of his health.
hmmm, census with animals now that makes me wounder if half of your post is in first person or the fourth dimension. i have a hard time bleaving that uncle Richie would let you talk like that about family. and the only reason you dont know who the card was from was due to the fact you never came to any of the family events. oh wait that would involve you having to get off your "HIGH HORSE". i guess the bottom line is this that you are a succubus'.
Survey at my office--we follow this blog religiously .. 100% in agreement with the blogger. We're all sick of getting invitations from people who only contact us because they want a gift. Thank you, blogger for having the courage to say what people feel but don't have the guts to say. And by the way, nothing the blogger did or didn't do kept them from sending their uncle a get well card. And we have to do this anonymous because we do it from work.
ReplyDeleteMy mother and I discovered this blog last Dec, shortly after my father died from cancer. We went back to the beginning, laughed, cried and nothing has helped my mother as much as this blog. We are going to copy THIS post and mail it anonymously to everyone who sends us an invitation that requires a gift when they haven't been bothered with us in forever. Love this blog and LOVE this post.
ReplyDeleteSigned, Been there and sick of hypocrits
Uh-oh. someone lost their connection with Miss Manners. Inviting someone to an event that requires a gift when you've had no social contact over a year is just a sign of greed. Kudos to the blogger on this one. This country has become so focused on Politically Correct that Bad Manners have begun to rule the day. Take this is as a lesson in good manners, cranky commenters. And theres NO excuse for not sending your uncle a card. Step away.
ReplyDeletePreamble: I started to post this, but it was too long. Why? Because I can't contain my disgust for the blogger who posted this! Please, read on and make sure to read BOTH parts!
ReplyDeleteI only infrequently read this blog. I though it was just a creative writing exercise. That is, until I saw the responses to this particular post. Then I knew. Real people were involved and some of them were idiots.
I, for one, can not believe what I have read here. What person in their right mind thinks that the suffering and battling of death by one person outweighs the miraculous and nearly inconceivable event of a BIRTH?
What kind of self-centered person thinks that just because they rushed their spouse to the hospital, watched as the medical “professionals” “practiced medicine” and nearly killed their loved one multiple times that that should in any way affect their rapturous joy at the birth of a distant relative's child? Miscreant! Narcissist!
I'm not surprised that RayHull became so incensed at this clear and diabolical outrage that all semblance of proper English fled like a frightened gazelle into the high grass! Punctuation? Capitalization? Damn them all! An affront has been committed and it should be addressed!
I am equally appalled that more GOOD CHRISTIANS have not stepped up and voiced their displeasure with this transgression! Where is the decency? Where is the common sense?
Friends, Americans, countrymen! Lend me your ears! I come to bury Lisa, not to praise her. The evil that men do lives on, the good is oft interred with their bones! So let it be with Lisa. Her blog has stated what she has gone through. But what of the suffering of Richie's family? Note the humility of RayHull who overcame their immense problems in only 4 months! RayHull didn't drag out their problem for two and a half years! No! They got over it and moved on! Why can't Richie? How could his minor cancer issue be any more demanding? Maybe if Lisa would just be more like April and RayHull and zachgaiser and the others who spoke so eloquently, she could get over this minor inconvenience and MOVE ON! Seriously, who has pancreatic cancer and lives more than six months anyway? NOT POSSIBLE!!
I am appalled at the very concept of a man, dying of cancer or not, who treats the children of his siblings this shabbily. Think about it. He grows up with his brother(s) and sister(s), and then when their children are about to have children, what's he doing? Fighting pancreatic cancer? Yeah, right. There's a reason this movie has never been made and it's this: NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THIS STORY. And the thought that his wife would even take notice is clearly outside the realm of believability! I mean, really? THE CHILDREN OF HIS BROTHER OR SISTER ARE HAVING A BABY AND HE DOESN'T PULL HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND SEND A GIFT, OR AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO RESPOND WITH “SORRY I CAN'T MAKE IT, I'M DYING FROM CANCER.”?!?!?!? What a f***stick!
Frankly, I'm surprised you don't march on his house as a single community, showing all the love and solidarity you clearly feel, and BURN HIS HOUSE TO THE GROUND!
End of Part Ein (Ja Volt!)
Bertram Wheatley
World Traveller
Blog Crasher
Part Deux:
ReplyDeleteI never realized what true evil was until now. Casey Anthony? John Wayne Gayce? Anthony Sewell? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The REAL EVIL is in a house somewhere in the midwest, married to some guy battling stage four pancreatic cancer and not having the decency to stop their whining long enough to CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF A CHILD!!!!!!
I can't believe it. I mean, he's lived his life. He's had his day. It's a new era. A new life is coming into the world and he should suck it up and CELEBRATE! And the BITCH he's married to should put the weep rag away, clean up the I.V.s, bandages, disinfectant and surgical masks and GET ON BOARD WITH THE PROGRAM!
I totally understand why no one would want her around their children. Seriously, what could she have to offer anyone? The example of sticking by someone for two years past the date they're supposed to die? Where's the market for that skill set? Starting a new career when you're 50 so your spouse can retire and have it easy only to find out they have cancer and your whole life is F**KED? Where's the problem?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the PROBLEM, and the problem is, Lisa apparently doesn't understand what's REALLY IMPORTANT. I suspect it's because having seen two sons survive military service, being subjected to the emotional abuse of a psychotic husband, seeing your sibling through his own fight with cancer, and then watching the love of her life be robbed of what should have been the best years of THEIR life together, she forgot that no matter WHAT your MINOR problems are, WHEN SOMEONE WHO COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHOW SUPPORT BEYOND LEAVING YOU ALONE INVITES YOU TO SHARE IN THE NEVER BEFORE SEEN MIRACLE OF THE BIRTH OF THEIR FIRST CHILD, you better drop to the ground, thank GOD, and act like you appreciate the special gift you've been offered! Does Lisa think 6 BILLION PEOPLE just got dropped on this planet by spaceships?!?!?! WHAT THE F***!?! THIS IS A MIRACLE! The very survival of our species could hinge on this one birth!
I can't believe what a piece of s*** she is and I for one think you should do exactly as all of you said and COMPLETELY IGNORE AND NEVER SPEAK TO THESE TWO PEOPLE AGAIN!!!!!
You don't know how right you are that you don't deserve to have them in your life!
Bertram Wheatley
World Traveller
Blog Crasher
Your logic buggars me, RHull. Rich is the one who is hurt by the invitation yet you attack the messenger. You don't mention whether Rich visited you in the hospital. If he did, why couldn't you send him a card, if he didn't, why aren't you attacking HIM.
ReplyDeleteIt's clear from your comment that you despised this woman long before this baby shower so WHY DID YOU INVITE HER?!?!
Oh, yeah, that would be for a gift.
And you Americans wonder why the rest of the world things you're bloody rude and greedy.
From an insider....
ReplyDeleteSomeone is forgetting when Aunt Lisa helped the Hulls drywall and paint their house. Or that she had the girls over and taught them to make soap and handcrafted paper. Or the years she spent working nights and weekends so Uncle Rich could retire early.
Why doesn't she attent family functions? What about the year in the middle of christmas and remodeling that she hosted a 25th wedding anniversary party. Two days later she gets phone calls that the guests of honor are accusing her of stealing a family photo that was given to Rich decades before she even met him.
This family doesn't like her because she doesn't play their little reindear games and she stands up to bullies. Especially when they hurt someone she loves.
In the family==annonymously
Personally I don't really care for social media--it tends to cause problems--see above. However, I was referred to this blog by a member of the family and after reading through these particular postings all I could add is 'when is enough enough; and how many people have to be hurt'? Everyone appears to have gotten all their digs in, so move on. Unfortunately people we love get sick, and fortunately people we love have babies, it is the cycle of life. We cry for those who are sick and we cry when a new life comes into our lives--and we add to the memories that we will have forever of both. I lost communication with family members--my own doing and then was informed of their passing--you can't go backwards and do a do-over--never getting to say goodbye or tell them that you loved them. I wish I could take back all the harsh words and swallow my pride and have known them better, but again no do-overs. I have missed out on the birth of nephews and nieces, not knowing the joy of a babies laugh--again no do-overs. Do I wish I could change things, yes, but I didn't. However, life is what you make it and life is too short to hate--if that is all you can do then just leave it alone.
ReplyDeleteSo isn't enough enough. While there is freedom of speech, I think enough has been said. Life goes on and the statements in this blog should not be the memories that anyone has of a loved one/family member. Everyone has the right to speak their piece and they have so move on especially since the underlying message is one of mutual dislike--why should either party reaaly care what the other thinks or feels? I appears that both parties have more important issues to concentrate on at this point of their lives.
With the exception of a few typos WELL PUT! Lisa and Rich should know that considering all they have been through and the Hulls should know that because before you know it the newborn will be grown. Not a newsflash life happens while you are waiting on or doing something else.
ReplyDeleteI once read this blog because I was following the story of two people dealing with what life had dealt them. I think the story has taken a nasty twist now. If I want to see family members trash each other I will watch Jerry Springer.
I've known the blogger since I was a wee little lass. Although not related by blood, I have been welcomed into her (and Rich's) home with more care and enthusiasm than some of my own family. I therefore struggle to understand anyone who claims indifference or aloofness from her.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it wasn't so polite a response. But then again, "he who is without sin cast the first stone" and all that. I, too, have struggled to write a "polite" response to a shower invitation from friends who have no interest in keeping in touch when gifts and attention are not involved . And I am not dealing with a spouse with stage-four cancer. Perhaps the baby shower hostess could have sent a card with well-wishes and a specific note that gifts are NOT expected, but simply an invitation to connect and celebrate a new life in the family. Sure, it would have taken an extra two minutes to compose, but it would have preempted what seems to be extremely hurt feelings on both sides of the issue. A little compassion and empathy goes a long way...
Good points August 14, 2011 2:27 PM post--a little compassion and empathy goes a long way--from both sides! Nothing is one-sided--there are always three sides to any story, both parties' involed sides and the truth somewhere in the middle. Regardless of what the two parties type, they must still be connected to one another because why whould the be so hurt or angry at the others' actions or comments otherwise. If someone doesn't exist to you, you ignore them and their actions and comments. Both parties should ignore each other if they can't be civil to one another--life is too short and I am sure they both have more pressing issues to attend to anyway.
ReplyDeleteIf a man with cancer or an unborn child is what threatens someone, god help us all--we have gone to hell in a handbasket.