I'm addicted to placebos

Such an addiction is the side effect of our cancer. If you get a cancer diagnosis with a high success rate, chances are you're going to go with traditional Western medicine, place your entire being in the hands of the AMA, do your surgery, radiation and/or chemo route and travel through the Pit of Despair with reasonable certainty that you will come out on the other side with a future.

If, however, you get a diagnosis like ours you are pretty much on your own. Western medicine will still provide you with a Pit of Despair, you just don't get the road map to go with it. On your own, you either panic and fold or you go in search of Hope and Magic. Folding is for laundry and I'm not even good at that.

My addiction to placebos has reached a level of OCD.

The first was dietary. Absolutely nothing with growth hormones or antibiotics. Everything has to be made from scratch, without chemical preservatives, and I'm watching sodium levels. I'm doing everything I can to reduce sugar—it's only allowed in items I make from scratch that are so delectable as to be a religious experience, thereby providing a blessing that will override the negative aspects. The other allowance is chocolate because I'm convinced that in moderation the health benefits of chocolate cancel ANY negative effects of sugar. If anyone would like to fund the study, I'm happy to do the research.

I've upped the ante on herbals, researching and dosing foods and herbs that strengthen the liver without strengthening the cancer. He's wonderful about downing all the capsules I lay out for him every morning. It's more an art than a science. If doctors can “practice”, so can I.

I bought a Vita-Mix blender. THAT was a huge investment. Unfortunately, unless I can make the smoothie taste like Cindy's Margarita or Tina's strawberry milkshake, I've got a fight getting it down him. I have done run out of ways to hide wheat grass.

I bought a pressure cooker. Which has provided the added benefit of time savings as well as increased nutrition.

I pour E-Spring ™ filtered water in a Fibonacci carafe and set the carafe on a slab of Irish marble etched with four shamrocks. After the proper amount of time, it is mixed with Willard Water ™ and that container sits on a Reiki symbol. When he's in the hospital I schlep his water in as well as his food.

I nag, beg and plead for him to take his Protocel ™ as directed.

That's just oral consumption.

Rich always carries the four-leaf clovers Dr Everly gave him.
I bought a De-tox foot bath, and give him treatments regularly. I bought a Himalayan salt crystal lamp to detox the bedroom, and a Himalayan salt crystal heated foot rest. I bought a special UV light that my brother installed in the bedroom below the air condition to cleanse all the air that comes into the room through the unit. I've got an air purifier running in the living room.

My life long interest in aromatherapy has been ramped up to new levels. I work the reflexology and touch therapy to the full extent of my research. I orchestrate music and videos for all they're worth. I can practically recite every line from the Three Stooges, every Mel Brooks' and Christopher Guest's movies and The Princess Bride.

I spent $8,000 replacing carpeting with hardwood floors and countless hours striving to perfect the Fung Shui of this house. I bought a steam cleaner to achieve the best possible clean without chemicals.

I have bought three more books on Reiki, because despite having a Masters in Reiki, I might be missing something. I've bought more stones and crystals to place in the grid below my Reiki table. Because you can never have too much energy. I placed mustard seeds under the mattress of our bed. One for him and one for me.

Seriously. My placebo addiction has reached OCD proportions. I may not be able to fix this,but it won't be for lack of trying.

Now and then I come across a news story/theory that the cure for cancer has already been found, and then my brain shuts down as they launch into some conspiracy theory about why the cure is being withheld from the public... Whatever. Unless or until WalMart shuts down, and illegal drugs are legalized and taxed, cancer may be the fine thread that's holding our economy together. Between the AMA and the cottage industry of Hope packaged in placebos, cancer may be the silent driving force that ensures cash changing hands. Heaven knows I have spent a fortune on the placebos of cancer. And really, how is it any different from casinos and lotteries?

We're watching The Princess Bride for the umpteenth time as I write this. Rich's goal for this season's garage saling is to find a bellows like Miracle Max uses on Wesley because “he's not completely dead, just mostly dead.” I keep working on a “miracle pill coated in chocolate so it will go down easier”.

“I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up but it wouldn't matter.” --Steven Wright